(This document was delivered on Saturday, September 18, 2010 to the residence of John and Delores Thomas along with a Peace Lily plant and a card.)
Jim Hannaford
200 Court Square
Ashland City, TN 37015
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Dear John and Delores,
In the past I have copied communications to Julianne and sent them to you. Now, I write directly to you. The reason I have sent the other communications: I thought maybe, just maybe, you could scrape up—as emotionally difficult as it would be—the wisdom, maturity, and spiritual depth to broker a resolution in our matter, to become a peacemaker. After all, you, two, have been hurt as much as anyone through the years, financially and emotionally. What a testimony it would be and an example, if you could have done this!
Having said this, however, I understand. I acknowledge how humanly difficult it would be, and
after all...your first loyalty and love should be to your daughter. It would take a supernatural calling and supernatural strength to take on such a task. Your daughter would be so much better off now, though, if you could have taken this leadership. You have promoted “family” so, so much, and have presented a very positive example of what a Christian family should be with your own. As preposterous as it sounds, I thought maybe you could become peacemakers, to not only bring an amiable and workable resolution to divorce conflict in a loving, more amiable way, but to also promote and bring reconciliation between a father and a daughter?
You know, I try my best to treat people kindly and fairly. I try my best to lift people up with laughter and affirmations, and not level them. I do not want to ever use or abuse anyone. I know who I am and I know I have no intentional evil in my heart to you or to anyone else in this world.
Everyone has faults and weaknesses; everyone makes mistakes and misjudgments. But I
also firmly believe in redemption, for second, third, fourth, and however many chances it takes
(assuming no one is in immediate danger and one is trying to do right and good) to bring someone to positive reality, production, and being. Hope is always omnipresent!
I also believe anger is a gift from our Creator to address an issue, to correct wrongs, and to protect self and others. It is not necessarily always a bad thing. But when anger is used to intentionally and institutionally hurt and cause hardship on another, it becomes a carnal pleasure just as much as a sexual lust or a gluttonous buffet. The more anger is expressed in intentional personal retribution, even through legal channels, the more carnal and sinful it becomes. It is one thing to make an initial point and another of never letting go. Lingering anger evolves into bitterness. Bitterness is the poison we swallow while hoping the other person suffers. Poison kills!
Righteous pride is also a carnal pleasure. “I’m right; you’re wrong; do as I say, or else…” It
happens in all groups, but it amazes me how Christians, especially, can be so righteous in doling
out retribution, even to each other, or say, a pastor who has done wrong. I have never quite
understood that. It seems so contradictory to what they profess as believers. Certainly, issues
need to be confronted, but in a kind, loving and respectful way; not with venom and harshness. It’s like God Almighty just couldn’t get along without them and the church would fold up unless they take action. They become Pharisees picking up stones to throw.
It is human nature to say, “You’re gonna pay for what you did. I’m a-gonna see to it that you
suffer, and suffer big-time; you deserve it.” Even in today’s world the Taliban cuts off a girl’s
nose because she was unveiled too much. In their minds, she deserves it. “We’ll teach her a
lesson!” “I’m right; you’re wrong!” Unbelievable, but true! Barbaric! It’s the same righteous mindset as the Pharisees, though! After all, back in the historic day Pharisees were completely lawful in so doing, and Jesus came along and spoke, “Who among you can cast the first stone?” Then, Jesus, the Christ, told the victim to “Go and sin no more.” Jesus was teaching the need to repress the eye for an eye mentality evoking mercy and grace as He gave and sacrificed. Such love! Such redemption! But so many Christians forget that story when they feel they have been wronged, despite the grace they, themselves, have received.
The mosque in NYC, that has been so much in the news lately—from what I understand—has all
the legal standing to go forward building near ground zero. But is that right? Isn’t there a sense
of just common decency, propriety, and sensitivity that should supersede any legality? 70% of the country in polling thinks so. Is the law always the end of the end?
John and Delores, whom I love and still appreciate to this very day, I respectfully ask: can you step back and honestly view the whole picture of Julianne’s circumstance and my involvement in it? Shouldn’t there be a sense of decency, propriety, and sensitivity, and not just legality? Don’t you think there could be a totally different story and perspective than what you have been exposed? Have you thought and considered that? (When I use the word “you,” in this letter, I am mostly meaning your side of the conflict in which you support, not necessarily you personally.)
You know…”I’m not the Texas Chainsaw Murderer!” I must tell you that it has been quite hurtful that loving, unselfish sacrifices I made and did during marriage are given no consideration now. For instance, even at the time of separation I was working two jobs. I held two jobs most of our married life, but yet, such sacrifice and devotion seem to have no bearing now. It’s easy to point fingers, to criticize and judge any given individual circumstance and character flaw. We are all guilty—unfairly so—of not walking in the shoes of the fingered person. There’s plenty I can point at myself. Everyone has faults, flaws, and failures. It’s also easy—and quite unfair—not to consider the totality of one’s being. I feel this is what has happened to me. I have been cast as someone I’m not.
Please, I ask you to suppress your emotions. Please, step back and look from a logical viewpoint.
Anyone would understand “going after” someone throwing his high lifestyle in your face without
meeting responsibilities. But, John and Delores, (as described in previous letters) you have
gone after a man who barely makes ends meet from month to month, but works diligently
and responsibly. He lives in a small one-bedroom apartment. He has no savings account, no
retirement, no life insurance, no health insurance. He is not out playing golf every weekend. Any
entertainment event he attends is because tickets have been given to him or the event is free.
He has been driving all summer long in extreme heat a 1998 work van that has inoperable air
conditioning; that’s ok, but the point is: he is not living high and he has no money for repair. His
small 2003 passenger car has roaring rear wheel bearings which will go out at any moment. All
four tires on the car are bald. He has no money for repairs; he has no money to give Julianne. He
has never made a lot of money in his entire working life. Despite these facts, you still want to send him to jail. Why? Does any good come from it?
You know what! I can handle all of the above personal conditions. I can even handle jail. I am
a happy man! What I have never been able to reconcile logically, emotionally, or spiritually is the
John W Thomas’s Jr., et al, taking such actions. You’re saying, “Pay me, pay me, or else you’re
going to jail.” Please, take a look. As “followers of Jesus Christ” we have zealously proclaimed
it in our life styles. We have been up-front leadership in the church. We have been extremely
faithful to church organizations and activities. We have tried to give love in humankind via mission trips. But, in essence, money is being extorted from someone who has none. The threat—and the actual jail sentences I have served—is the same thing as a pistol being held to my temple mafia style demanding payment or “go to jail.” Granted! Technically it is not extortion by the letter of the law and the decree of the court, but ask the people on the street what it is. Do you want to be technically “right,” or do you want to address human condition productively? You are using the court as a pistol, despite repeated, sincere appeals telling you I don’t have enough money demanded, but I am willing to give you what I have. The court functions as it is supposed, just as the pistol does. It’s the person(s) holding the pistol who do the deed; they pull the trigger!
Tell me anyone who profits when you send me to jail? Tell me who profits when one continually
punishes a human being trying to do good? How can you reconcile these actions with your
Christian testimony? The philosopher, Nietzsche, says, “If you’re going to fight monsters, be careful that you don’t become a monster.”
John and Delores, I love you, I appreciate all you have done for me personally and for our
marriage, now dissolved! I love Julianne and appreciate the good life she gave me and the good
wife she was. I love my daughter, Elise, despite any perceptions to the contrary. Divorce, just like marriage, is a two-party relationship. Good faith and goodwill are needed from both sides...even in divorce. What has happened is simply wrong. It is wrong in effectiveness; it is wrong emotionally; it is wrong spiritually.
Do you really think that I don’t want to meet my responsibilities? Do you think I’m trying to avoid you? In your heart of hearts, I know that you know I would not. That is simply not who I am. On balance I am not a selfish person, which is part of the reason that I am not any better off financially. I am not insensitive and I do not forget!!! I wish so much I had the means to return every dollar and more you invested in our lives!!! I simply don’t have the money or assets.
The fact is: Julianne walked out on her own accord and then held her hand out and said, “Pay me.” Was she and is she justified? With the manner/means in which she walked out, the manner/means in which the divorce was prosecuted, and the manner/means in the aftermath—and it is not just I saying it—she has lost and continues to lose credibility with each succeeding action. Because of these manner/means, her justification becomes more and more doubtful.
If Julianne is justified in leaving, why can’t you, all, deal openly, directly, and kindly with me, rather than playing the “Gotcha” game by all sorts of legal actions? Why can’t you just simply be nice and reasonable, while being prudent? Why can’t you decently and constructively work out a solution with me that will work for all? Why is showing goodwill such a negative?
You know…a lump of sugar gets more positive results than cracking the whip. In this case no
sugar has ever been offered and cracking the whip has been the modus operandi from the get-
go of divorce. There has always been a “go for the jugular” approach. Do you think you have been well served? In all sincerity you would be blessed and rewarded far more, if you could just bring yourself to love and forgive, and then, let go and let God have HIS way. Do you not believe in the scripture, “God will supply our needs?” Why do you do this to me? Why do you do this to
yourselves?
Do you not see the pragmatism of taking a kinder, gentler approach? I’ve suggested this before
every legal action taken against me. But you are blinded! What blinds you so much? Is it carnal
anger and bitterness? Is it prideful righteousness? Why do you keep tying me up to the post and
cracking the horse whip on my back?
You say, “Well, it’s out of our hands; it’s a matter for the court.” What a way to take the easy way out, to hide from righting a wrong! If this is not an example of “washing your hands of the matter,” I don’t know what is. You would get more joy by stepping up, speaking out, and using influence to be a peacemaker, than being an agent of the status quo in which absolutely no one receives benefit. I can hear you say, “Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s…” Well, my friends, I have rendered unto Caesar. I have spent 60 weekends of my life, never missing one weekend (as many weekenders do) and never being late one time (as most weekenders do). As the guards have told me, I have been a positive example and poster child for an ideal inmate. They know I don’t belong there. Even the other inmates know that as well! They tell me, “You’re not the jail type!” Honestly, but not arrogantly, I know I don’t belong there! However, I have rendered unto Caesar!
Last March, 2010, actually the July, 2009, I determined I could not subscribe any more to what
I felt was extortion against me. My own personal comfort and convenience became a miniscule
matter. I sent out letters stating my convictions and once again, more or less, begged for goodwill from your side, but to no avail. I was fully prepared psychologically and spiritually to spend the rest of my life in jail. However, I ran out of time getting my Mom and myself physically prepared. In March, 2010, because of that, you got some money. A friend of mine, who knew the circumstance I was in, generously paid the money to get me out of jail.
Literally, two weeks before the March court date I did not accept any work. I had to move my Mom to an assisted living place. In jail I would not be able to take care of her. That meant physically storing her belongings in storage and moving other items into her small apartment. Plus there were all sorts of bureaucratic exercises, medical tests, and corresponding paperwork, etc. that I wasn’t expecting. Time consuming! Utilities and other business affairs had to be taken care of.
Plus, I had to do something with my stuff. There were concerns with vehicles, my own utilities, and other bills. I spent exhaustive, long days to get ready for jail, but time simply ran out! Because of pending matters, especially with my Mom’s affairs (getting her Veterans Benefits in order for her to live in assisted living), I had to allow that friend of mine to bail me out of jail. That’s how you got your money. I had to suck up my convictions for the sake of my Mom, knowing full well that your side was congratulating yourselves for achieving another “Gotcha” moment.
I’m sure it was interpreted by your side: “if we just keep the squeeze on him, we’ll get our money.” I’m sure you believe I’m just posturing. “When push comes to shove, he’ll fork up the money,” I’m sure you’re saying to yourselves. Well, believe what you will. I’ve told you the honest truth. You can continue to put on the “squeeze,” but there is not going to be any more money. My 92 yr. old Mom is taken care of now, at least, physically. Emotionally is another thing, as you can readily imagine. (I’ve already been weaning her, by not visiting her much, so she will be used to my not being present when I go to jail.) What is sad: it is likely you’ll have me in jail when she passes! But I have her taken care of now and have done all I possibly can do to meet her needs!
My soul and conscious can no longer reward actions I believe are wrong in a multiple of ways. I
shall not cooperate with extortion any more! Treat me right, treat me with respect, show goodwill toward me, and I will give you the shirt off my back. You can spank a child for only so long. Eventually that child is going to grow up. Spankings will have no positive effect and will breed rebellion.
I say this, not angrily, but intellectually. I say it with conviction and resolution. I actually say it
sweetly, but I say it firmly. Really, this is just as much about you and your essence as it is me...and everybody knows it. It’s about you and your faith. It’s about human decency. It’s about “walking the walk and not just talking the talk.” It is a cause about more than money.
Just to be honest: what do I really have to lose by going to jail? I have very little in assets. If I
lose all of my belongings, it’s not really that much. I don’t own a house. I don’t have a job that
other employees or the company is dependent on my experience. I don’t have any committed
romantic relationships in my life. I don’t have young kids and a wife at home as most of my fellow inmates do. I have very little communication with a daughter that I love, and when I do receive communication, it is vile and extremely profane in language and attitude. (Where did she learn this?) I have never been claustrophobic, as I rarely open up blinds at home. (Remember the house I first lived in when I met Julianne: all sealed up because it was a studio. I spent many hours in my bunk on the tour bus in a very confined space when I was in the music business.) I have a positive attitude and can adapt readily to various conditions.
Plus, I feel no shame, because my heart is/has been right all along. I’ve already told hundreds of
friends and past associations of the attitudes and actions directed toward me. I’ve told my local
home town church in Moss Point. I’ve told my high school class mates. I’ve told my local church
here in Nashville. I’ve told friends from previous places where I lived. I’ve told my business clients. I have sent all a copy of my goodwill appeal letter to Julianne last March. I will send this letter, too. I want everyone to know that I appeal for goodwill and a win for all. I don’t mean to sound prideful, but logical. Jail reaps no positive benefits for anyone. It doesn’t bring in any money. It doesn’t better my attitude; quite the opposite. It costs the taxpayers.
Do I want to go to jail? No, I don’t! I want to be a productive, good citizen and enjoy the freedom
of coming and going. I don’t want the taxpayers of Cheatham County and the State of Tennessee
to pay for my upkeep.
The soldiers in Afghanistan are standing up for a cause. They have it far worse than I will have in jail. They’re anxious to be home with their families and in the good ole USA. They are given orders to follow. In going to jail I consider myself a volunteer soldier, too, standing up for a cause. I firmly believe what has transpired in this divorce is wrong. To symbolize my belief, I volunte r to go to jail. I will follow orders given to me and face the consequences for this cause. It’s a shame it has to be this way. It need not be…as stated so many, many times previously! --But…it is what it is!
It doesn’t matter how many church services we have attended, how many solos and musical
productions we have sung in church, how many leadership positions we have held, how many
mission trips we have traveled, how many good deeds we have done, as good as all of these
things are, your (and my) faith has really not been manifested, tested, and testified until we can
love and forgive someone who we feel has wronged us. All the other stuff is loud clanging cymbals until love and forgiveness are truly, not just said, but lived!
I know I am the enemy, but doesn’t the Bible exhort us to love our enemies? Well, let’s do it! I
will! Will you? Intentionally taking actions to make someone hurt is not: “loving your enemies.”
Perhaps, you may say, “We’re giving ‘tough love’.” Well, that’s bull! That’s simply massaging self-righteousness!
In all honesty, the court has not done a very good job in settling this matter. Quite frankly, it has
exacerbated it more than finding remedy. It simply does not have the ability to settle our problems. Our dilemma goes way beyond the scope of the court. You, John and Delores, are in a prime position. I believe there is nobody else on earth that could be more effective than the two of you to bring peace and remedy. And the thing about it is: it would be your daughter, Julianne, who would actually benefit the most.
You can crack the whip all you want, call me whatever name you want, but really everyone is being hurt…us individually to the taxpayers and all in between. Here in the waning years of your lives, you have these actions and attitudes attached to who you are. I know, I know, you are not this kind of people. Don’t you really want to step up and admit this has been the wrong way to resolve a conflict? Then, don’t you want to use your skills and wisdom to work for a better way?
I dare not tell you what to do; I don’t even ask! But honestly, John and Delores, I suggest:
immediately after reading this letter you should be on your knees thanking God at how blessed
you are. Then, you should be on the phone, initiating positive, good actions, influencing attitudes,
setting in motion positive procedures in winning favor with supporters/advisors, your attorney,
and the Judge. To bring about the positive results you want, this case needs to be dropped and
dismissed, the attorney and the judge need to get out of the way, and then, we need to walk in
faith, walk the walk that we talk. Then, we all need to get together, not to rehash everything—
let’s “let sleeping dogs lie”—but we need to get together for a group hug, simple as that. No
apologies needed from either side. Let’s just hug and let’s talk about good will and good faith
efforts hereafter. Let’s promote loving, respectful, and routine communication, and let’s advance
reconciliation of broken parties. This has gone on too long and has consumed too much of our
lives. Until all the above takes place, nobody will be victors, nobody will have peace, and that
makes us all “losers.”
There have been too many good times with you that are too unforgettable! Way, way, way more
good times with you, with Julianne, and with Elise, than bad! Conflict, misunderstandings, and
misperceptions come in human relations, there’s no getting around it. There are no bad people
involved in this situation. There have been bad procedures and much better remedies available.
It’s time to embrace the best of the best… from the past and in the present…and let go of the bad. Then, you will see… the best of the best in the future. Then, you will find conflict suppressed into final incremental extinction. Life will be as it should be…our spirits will be free to better glorify God!
With Love and Respect,
Jim
Jim Hannaford
200 Court Square
Ashland City, TN 37015
